can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
