so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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