So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
