and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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