I don't usually arrange sex via text message
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
