You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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