Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
