i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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