Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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