I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize