I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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