bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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