Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
