at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
