I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
