WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
