Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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