I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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