i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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