you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
