if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
