These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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