Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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