That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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