I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
