hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
