1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
