There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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