What did we do last night that was yellow?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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