Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize