It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
