I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
