I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
