Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
