that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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