He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
