my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
