Me too!
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
