Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
