she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
