You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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