Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
