perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
