she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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