Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
