I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
