get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
