dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Text me some of your sweat
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
