He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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