talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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