Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
