i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
