the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
