You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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