my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
