You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
