ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
