That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
