he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we're making bets on your personal life
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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