dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
