I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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