It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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