And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
