ya dads aren't the best wingmen
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
