he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
