Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
