Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he fucked my hip out of place.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
