but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
